The day I chose you, you hid from me, burying your black-tipped beak in your siblings’ wings. You were small, shy, and quiet, but I wanted you, the timid wallflower the color of life.

It didn’t take long for you to grow comfortable with me. I soon began placing you in my shirt, soothing you with the strong beat of my heart. I was still hurting from what I had faced before you, wrapped in suffocating layers of grief. Caring for you helped me strip all that away.

Of course, that also meant leaving myself raw. You pecked at the tender parts of my soul. You screamed for affection that I was afraid to give. I loved you, but did not yet know how to show it.

It’s been years since I lost you. You still haunt my dreams. The guilt settles on me just as you would. If I could go back to that first day, I’d kiss your soft head, then leave you behind, happy to know I had saved you from me.

If I ever reach Heaven, will you fly my way? Will you spread your wings and show me forgiveness? If you’ll let me, I’ll hold you. If you’ll let me, I’ll cry. If you’ll let me, I’ll take you back to that day.

This time, I will not approach you on my own. I will wait, my heart open, and pray you will come. You’ll find me and love me, despite all my flaws, and I’ll spend forever proving that you chose right.

---

Born and raised in Hawaiʻi, Kelly Murashige (https://www.kellymurashige.com/) is the author of the award-winning YA novel The Lost Souls of Benzaiten and Adam Silvera’s July 2025 Allstora Book Club Pick, The Yomigaeri Tunnel. Her work has been nominated for Best Small Fictions. Though she can be shy, she loves obsessing over books, video games, and strange animals.